Throwing Digital Hands - as my Bio says "Try Jesus, Don't Try Me"
(Image Source: teendotcom on Tumblr)
[Bill Hader as Stefon on Saturday Night Live]
I was introduced to Instagram in December of 2012. My first 25 or so posts are rather different from my more current ones. 2012 was an entire lifetime ago. I was living in Northern California, working on my Bachelor's degree. Living with my ex-girlfriend, and my late cat Moose (formerly known as Mousse, but with her girth had been re-Christened), and a lot of Holiday cheer. I fancied myself a photographer (I guess?) Truly this was peak 2010s.
(Image Source: Myself)
I was a Tumblr!Girlie, and the photos emulate that to an embarrassing extent. I have to admit, that cake was amazing (Japanese Strawberry Short Cake for Christmas), and wish I had the patience and energy in me to recreate that beautiful work of art again.
Coincidentally, one of my first posts features my tattoo pride and joy (1 of 4) the largest piece I have thus far - that cost me almost $2000 and 10 hours total - worth EVERY.PENNY
Based off of my favorite piece of art Dance by Alphonse Mucha. Most of what I posted during this time, similarly to what I post now is a window into my life. Extremely Pawsitive and reflective of my life at the time. Because there were no options to post multiple photos into one post, I posted many in a day and didn't include any hashtags, nor a lot of commentary on the photos.
Looking at my more recent posts, the theme is the same - a brief look into my life. Photos of me from my work, my family, and sometimes memes that I think belong.
(Image Source: myself)
There's a lot more gratuitous selfies of me, for sure. I definitely have a lot more to say. Usually waxing poetry to my husband (because I am obsessed with that man), to many of my followers' repulsion, I'm sure. Seriously, looking back, my Instagram could be a digital shrine to him. Embarrassing.
(Image Source: myself)
I'm not sure if my personality really show on Instagram. Mostly because I'm not posting particular narratives. Though there are times, I do post things that don't revolve around my vanity or the love I have for my husband.
(Image Source: myself)
I don't really present myself differently online than I do in the real world. Instagram just doesn't feel like the proper platform to post my narratives and stances on different issues. Not because I care particularly about engagement or anything, but mostly because I typically have a lot to say, and Instagram just doesn't give me enough leeway. Additionally, a lot of my posts get flagged and taken down.
(image source: myself)
In contrast, I think there is a slight difference on my Facebook. Many of the posts I make on Instagram bleed into Facebook, but I add more of my own narratives to my posts on the latter. On this platform, I am much more vocal than I am offline. As my husband says I'm not afraid to "throw digital hands" when the occasion calls for it. I often feel there's a decorum that I should follow when I'm conducting myself in person. I am more patient in real life than I am online. Of course, I've all but stopped having longwinded discussions about different issues as I am tired of giving up educational and emotional labor to attempt to educate people who are always going to question what I have to say because of what I look like. Because of this, most of the posts I make are an extension of my comedic side. Everything is light, and things are mostly positive. While there are sprinklings of issues thrown in every once in a while, I keep things noncontroversial for the most part.
I do post more openly - mostly memes and funnier content than I do on Instagram. I no longer post daily - as I used to post selfies almost every day. On Facebook, on the other hand, I post at least once a day. Thirsting over more people, than just my husband. I showcase more of my interests, overall. A lot of my posts are comments on my friend's posts with reaction gifs and reposting memes that I find hilarious.
Despite a different tone in both of those platforms, I've never found myself presenting a fake version of. me. What you see is what you get, essentially - maybe a little more aggressive at times, but I haven't ever felt the need to curate my presence in a way to make myself seem interesting. The vanity of my social media all but shows that I absolutely find myself to be interesting enough to not change a thing about myself.
Hi Hanako, It's nice to see a window into you through your social media. You have very fun and positive posts. I LOVE your cat photos! I like that you take a real life approach to social media and use it to express yourself. I'm glad you take the opportunity to stand up for your beliefs when you think something is important. I can relate to how emotionally exhausting it can be to stand behind what you think is right to only have everyone word vomit it back to you. I agree with you that sometimes its easier to jump into a heated discussion online than it is in person but both forms of communication are important and should be had, even if its hard. Keep creating!
ReplyDeleteThank you Jenny, for your support and warm compliments! I'm not as consistent anymore in my postings, but I used to be - especially when I was more active in cosplay. With school and work and kids though, it's a little difficult to keep up. Now I'm more of a consumer - I can sit and be absorbed by tiktok for HOURS. On top of that, I'm reading a lot more than I used to - so my free time is just spent differently. Even interacting with people virtually has become somewhat tiresome to me.
DeleteHanako,
ReplyDeleteI must say I really enjoy reading your blog posts because they also come off as authentic as you've discussed your presence to be online. Additionally, your reflections on the nuanced differences between your Instagram and Facebook personas resonate deeply with me. It's fascinating how the platforms shape the extent of our need or desire to express ourselves. I relate to your experience of being more vocal online, almost as if there's a different set of social norms to navigate. I really believe some of the things people say online, they would never say to your face. Back in the day when I first got twitter, I used to also throw digital hands--immaturely--but in recent times as an advocate for social justice.
Like you, I've found myself curating my online presence, balancing authenticity with a sense of decorum, but to be honest, sometimes F...orget decorum...
It's a delicate dance, especially when faced with the exhausting task of engaging in discussions that often lead nowhere; I think about around election times when individuals know and see the flaws in their chosen political candidates and yet choose to not care. Moreso, I admire your decision to infuse humor into your posts, creating a space that's light and positive amidst the noise. It's a reminder of the power we hold in shaping our online narratives.
Best,
Haaaaze
Hanako, I appreciate that you present yourself as you on both social media and in real life. Your posts that you've included showcase that and you have inspired me to embrace "me" more on social media and not feel like I have to curate myself to be something I'm not while still being professional, private but personable. Thanks for sharing!
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